It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
