barbara walters just said penis...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
