theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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