someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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