you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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