dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
