I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
