I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
