I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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