he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
