He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
