Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
