hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So much rum. So many feels.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
