just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
