my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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