So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
