i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
