Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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