I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
