Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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