i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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