i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
