no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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