It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
