Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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