Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
