my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
