OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
wow bdsm is so cute
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