He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Everclear isn't food dammit
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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