super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
