You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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