Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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