just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
