I heard we made out
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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