Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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