I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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