dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
sarcasm needs its own font
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
