Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
