She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
