When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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