Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize