well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
