fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize