the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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