So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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