Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
