did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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