Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize