Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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