grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
