hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
