dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
