We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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