1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
