So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
