We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
