I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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