didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
