I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
