I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
