my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
