so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
