is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
