I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
