my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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