i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
