I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
