the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
