I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
