Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
