I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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