i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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